I've been really sick the past week. I think it originated from a bad gyro I ingested from a street vendor last Friday. I had to stay home from work 2 days this week because being more than 25 feet away from a bathroom at any given time would have resulted in tragedy. Suffice to say, I couldn't even eat anything. The only thing I could ingest was fluids. And once I drank those I would see them again about 5 minutes later.
It really wasn't cute.
So while I was home I was watching lots of daytime TV, most of which involved the discovery channel. They had this really cool program on about Alaska or some cold climate hellhole and all the predators there that eat salmon.
There are these things called Salmon sharks which basically dominate the shit out of Salmon when they're migrating. Something like 1 out of every 4 salmon will get eaten by a salmon shark. The program had some pretty cool shots of these salmon sharks jumping out of the water and eating the salmon.
I, of course, couldn't fully enjoy this spectacle of nature because I had to keep running to the bathroom and create my own version of nature.
But then I started thinking, if I was a salmon shark, I bet I wouldn't have to worry about having diarrhea, because if I did have it, it would just wash away because I'd always be swimming. Which would rock. (This actually isn't the first time I've wanted to be a fish but I'll save that story for another time.) But then I thought, "then again, if I was a salmon shark I'd probably be too stupid to even know or care I had diarrhea."
