Conversation between me and my colleague about TMI in mass work e-mails.
Mr. Pibb (3:18:36 PM): That was a lot for an email
Pocahontas(3:18:42 PM): like
Pocahontas(3:18:48 PM): inappropriate and unnecessary
Pocahontas(3:19:05 PM): i don’t send out mass emails talking about how i used to be obsessed with the morning after pill
Mr. Pibb (3:19:33 PM): i mean you actually had a tic tac dispenser with plan B
Pocahontas(3:19:49 PM): its a fallacy that u have to take the pills 12 hrs apart
Pocahontas(3:19:52 PM): u can take them at once
Mr. Pibb (3:19:59 PM): how many did u take at once
Pocahontas(3:20:00 PM): 5% less effective each hour u don’t take
Pocahontas(3:20:05 PM): u can only take 2
Pocahontas(3:20:07 PM): they come together
Pocahontas(3:20:12 PM): 60 DOLLA AT DUANE READE
Pocahontas(3:20:14 PM): like WHAT THE FUCK
Pocahontas(3:20:30 PM): I’m obsessed with plan b
Pocahontas(3:20:33 PM): its SO useful/amazing
Mr. Pibb (3:20:43 PM): You snort it on a Friday night
Mr. Pibb (3:20:49 PM): in case you sleep too late on Saturday Pocahontas(3:21:10 PM): right
Pocahontas(3:21:11 PM): SMART!
Pocahontas(3:21:25 PM): i mean i have taken it like on Monday early morning
Pocahontas(3:21:28 PM): after sat night sex
Pocahontas(3:21:30 PM): and it was fine
Pocahontas(3:21:36 PM): but that’s so risky
Mr. Pibb (3:21:38 PM): yeah
Pocahontas(3:21:49 PM): one time i took it in our office
Mr. Pibb (3:21:54 PM): wow
Mr. Pibb (3:21:59 PM): right before our weekly status meeting? Pocahontas(3:22:01 PM): probably
Mr. Pibb (3:22:07 PM): what happens when you take it, do you like empty out Pocahontas(3:22:12 PM): no nothing
Pocahontas(3:22:16 PM): its like a huge shot of estrogen i think Pocahontas(3:22:21 PM): obviously i THINK i feel weird
Mr. Pibb (3:22:26 PM): I mean does plan B do for your uterus what chipotle does to your colon?
Friday, October 30, 2009
Mama's Wild Night
From mama to me.
Mr. Pibb, remember that Friday in August I stayed home to be in a relationship? And then the guy came to Dream Hotel and everyone was like, you look so cute but I ruined it by being myself. So last night Mama texted him: "Be ready in a jock and socks." He texts back, "door is unlocked, just come in." Fine. I go in, first of all - he's wearing a rosary, wtf? But like, I was so drunk that I forgot I was there for sex, so I greeted him with my bar persona, aka: dramatic flamboyant "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" / "HOW ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU". I then started to talk about Precious.
So I receive oral for a good 20 mins, POPPERED out. I kept making him do poppers that he almost fainted. She wolf starts to play from his computer. And im sittin there literally, lol, doing a dance as he's like, working overtime on me giving me head. Like full on, black girl shimmy while pursing my lips. As he's still going down on me I think about how bad i want eggplant and proscuitto from the deli. i look at my watch, it's 11:51 and this deli closes in 9 minutes (same deli i hid by the cats from doubleD's ex while i was on G). I jump up, and I start doing the Sally Field Mrs Doubtfire "I have to go" routine. But like, he doesn't know that joke and i was doing it 100% sincerely. "I HAVE TO GO / WE HAVE TO GO". and hes just like, what? As i'm running towards the door he goes "you left your underwear" and i scream out, "keep them. i only bought them for Yelpee McGee and they annoy me. it's laundry day!!!!" (as if he knows who Yelpee is) and yes, i did the Yelpee McGee yelp while outside his house.
I sprinted to the deli. eat my sandwhich and a BOX of cheese-its on the corner by myself. yes. the entire box. as i'm hutched on the corner, i put on "if i were a boy" on my ipod and listened ot it on repeat for 20 minutes and started to cry (yes, by myself on a corner on poppers) bc i don't hook up with guys that look like the corbin fisher porn stars. But like, really crying by myself.
I come home to Ratatouille. She wants a recap and I tell her I just had the worst night of my life. I then tell her we are moving to San Francisco and STARTED TO PACK. YES, I STARTED TO PACK. After that I dont know what happened. I do know, there was so much clothes packed on my bed, that I elected to sleep on my hard wood floor. I woke up in my clothes, jeans around my ankle, and still freeze frame of xtube on my Mac.
Thursday night.
Mr. Pibb, remember that Friday in August I stayed home to be in a relationship? And then the guy came to Dream Hotel and everyone was like, you look so cute but I ruined it by being myself. So last night Mama texted him: "Be ready in a jock and socks." He texts back, "door is unlocked, just come in." Fine. I go in, first of all - he's wearing a rosary, wtf? But like, I was so drunk that I forgot I was there for sex, so I greeted him with my bar persona, aka: dramatic flamboyant "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" / "HOW ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU". I then started to talk about Precious.
So I receive oral for a good 20 mins, POPPERED out. I kept making him do poppers that he almost fainted. She wolf starts to play from his computer. And im sittin there literally, lol, doing a dance as he's like, working overtime on me giving me head. Like full on, black girl shimmy while pursing my lips. As he's still going down on me I think about how bad i want eggplant and proscuitto from the deli. i look at my watch, it's 11:51 and this deli closes in 9 minutes (same deli i hid by the cats from doubleD's ex while i was on G). I jump up, and I start doing the Sally Field Mrs Doubtfire "I have to go" routine. But like, he doesn't know that joke and i was doing it 100% sincerely. "I HAVE TO GO / WE HAVE TO GO". and hes just like, what? As i'm running towards the door he goes "you left your underwear" and i scream out, "keep them. i only bought them for Yelpee McGee and they annoy me. it's laundry day!!!!" (as if he knows who Yelpee is) and yes, i did the Yelpee McGee yelp while outside his house.
I sprinted to the deli. eat my sandwhich and a BOX of cheese-its on the corner by myself. yes. the entire box. as i'm hutched on the corner, i put on "if i were a boy" on my ipod and listened ot it on repeat for 20 minutes and started to cry (yes, by myself on a corner on poppers) bc i don't hook up with guys that look like the corbin fisher porn stars. But like, really crying by myself.
I come home to Ratatouille. She wants a recap and I tell her I just had the worst night of my life. I then tell her we are moving to San Francisco and STARTED TO PACK. YES, I STARTED TO PACK. After that I dont know what happened. I do know, there was so much clothes packed on my bed, that I elected to sleep on my hard wood floor. I woke up in my clothes, jeans around my ankle, and still freeze frame of xtube on my Mac.
Thursday night.
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